


Written On Your Skin

by noxsoulmate



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - War, Alternative Universe with Infidelity, Angels are Dicks, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Destiel Reverse Bang 2017, Dimension Travel, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e15 Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell, Season/Series 12, Slow Memory Loss, The Brits are Dicks, and Mary's a bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noxsoulmate/pseuds/noxsoulmate
Summary: When the handprint Cas left on his shoulder flares back to life, Dean knows something is wrong. Moving Heaven and Hell, he’s able to find his best friend – imprisoned and covered in writing. Every meaningful word ever spoken between them is etched into Cas’ skin, fading slowly, one line at a time. A battle against time begins because once the last line vanishes Castiel’s memories will be gone with it. Not only of Dean, but of everything he has ever learned from him about humanity, love, and free will.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my second Destiel Reverse Bang :D this one for the wonderful, beautiful art from [purgatory-jar](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com//) (formerly purgatoryjar - careful: the old URL got accidentally taken by someone else!!)  
> I fell in love with her [art](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com/post/161133604487/finally-posting-the-art-i-did-for-this-years) the moment I saw it <3 you'll find the picture at the very end of this fic :)
> 
> The idea for this fic was actually an older one of mine and first set in the whole angel story arch with Naomi and all that happened, but I never got to it. Then I was able to claim purgatory-jar's art and S12E15 "Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell" happened and I just knew I wanted to do this :)
> 
> REGARDING THE CANON PARTS  
> The first dialogue between Dean and Sam is obviously taken from S12E15, the canon events after that are somewhat altered but still mostly there - so if you haven't yet watched anything starting from that episode, be prepared for SPOILERS!!
> 
> REGARDING THE WAR AND INFIDELITY  
> ... think "The French Mistake" or "Changing Channels" that's all I'm going to say ;)
> 
> One more thing: this was supposed to be posted on May 15th, but life happened for both, purgatory-jar and me, so here's a big thanks to the mods of this challenge who are absolutely amazing and understanding people. Plus they gave all of the remaining teams an extension after the dramatic and emotional season finale. Thank you so, so much!!
> 
> Now have fun with this story (and get your tissues, I think this is one of the most angsty fics I've written so far)

Dean stared down at his phone, an uneasy feeling spreading through him. Something was wrong, his instincts told him that. He just couldn’t put his finger on what it was exactly.

“He sound weird to you?” he asked Sam, still trying to pinpoint what was wrong about this phone call. Cas had sounded different somehow …

Sam’s phone vibrated before he could answer, pulling Dean out of his thoughts.

“Mm, is that your computer talking to you again?”

“Uh … No. Um …” Sam began, sounding uncomfortable. “It’s uh … Mick Davies.”

Dean was about to send Cas a text message, asking him if he was alright, but Sam’s confession stopped him in his tracks and pulled all his attention towards his brother.

“What?”

“Dean … I don’t have a computer program feeding me cases.”

Sam wasn’t even able to look at him while he was explaining and Dean knew his brother well enough to know what was up. This was Sam, ‘fessing up to something he’d done behind his big brother’s back, knowing full well that it would piss Dean off. But for now, Dean tried to stay calm.

“I -- I, uh …”

For a second, Sam manned up and looked straight at Dean, only to avert his eyes again right away.

“Gwen? Every job we’ve worked in the last two weeks?”

He inhaled deeply before finally confessing.

“They’ve all come from the British Men of Letters.”

_Great._

Dean couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. So they’d done it again. Lied to each other; working with others behind their backs; the never ending circle of the Winchester brothers.

Tossing his phone away – he would text Cas later – Dean tried not to explode at his brother.

“Really?” he asked, not even trying to hide his disappointment.

“Yeah,” Sam replied. “I didn’t tell you, ‘cause I know how much you hate them.”

“No, _we_ hate them. Us. Together.” This needed to be clarified because Sam just didn’t seem to get it.

Sam, however, was quick to jump in. “I -- I get that. Yeah, I do. But -- but …” There was another deep sigh, Sam obviously trying to find the right way to get this across to Dean. Well, let him try.

“Dean, because of Mick and his guys, the Alpha Vampire is dead.”

Damn, that was a good point. Looking away, Dean tried to hold on to his hate for those guys, if only because of what they’d done to his family so far.

But Sam wasn’t done yet. “They get results. I don’t like them either, but -- but if -- if we can save people, then it …”

Yet another sigh interrupted Sam’s speech. It didn’t matter though; Dean could feel his own resolve crumbling. His brother was right and if he was completely honest with himself – something that didn’t happen often – he was just being a stubborn idjit right now for the sake of it. He didn’t like it; hell, he hated it with a passion. But maybe it was time to get off his high horse.

“Either way,” Sam continued as Dean still didn’t give him a positive sign. “I -- I shouldn’t have lied to you. And … I’m sorry, man. I – I …” Apologies didn’t come easy in this family, Dean knew that better than anyone. He had to admit that he respected Sam for doing it.

Seemed this was his chance for finally taking a step in the right direction as well.

“Well, okay.”

“Okay?”

Now it was Dean’s turn to search for the right words. Sighing, he just went ahead. “What do you want me to say? Do I like it? No. Do I trust them? Hell, no.”

No, he really didn’t and he was relieved to see in his brother’s reaction that Sam didn’t either. At least his brother still had enough common sense. It made it easier to forgive his moves.

“But you’re right,” Dean finally admitted, watching his brother, studying his reaction, before continuing. “We work with people we don’t trust all the time. I mean, hell, I just Liam Neeson’d it up with Crowley.”

True, he trusted Crowley more than he trusted those British assholes, but then again he didn't really trust the King of Hell farther than he could throw him.

Damn, their lives were screwed up.

“So if you wanna give this a shot, then …” He couldn’t believe he was about to say this but scoffing, he went on anyway. “Fine.”

As he nodded towards his brother and Sam nodded back, there was an unmistakable understanding there. Unlike all those times before where one had gone behind their brother’s back, this time they were in this together. This was too big a threat for either of them to face it alone. So, if one jumped, the other would jump as well.

However, Dean had to make sure that they were clear on one more thing. “But the minute -- and I mean the _second_ \-- something feels off, we bail.”

“Yeah. Of course. Deal,” Sam was quick to promise. Dean could see the honesty in his brother’s eyes. They were on the same page here and for now, that was all that counted.

Yet again, the moment was interrupted by Sam’s phone vibrating. Dean knew who it was before Sam even checked it. He didn’t like it, not one bit, but he would have to live with it. For now.

“It’s Mick.”

Of course it was. For a moment – just a moment – Dean wanted to scream. Wanted to tell Sam to screw the British bastard. Wanted to tell him that they could face their problems alone.

The moment was gone quickly and even though the words were acid on his tongue, he relented. “Pick it up.”

They stared at each other for a few more seconds, both hesitating but knowing there was no other choice.

For now.

“This is Sam.”

Dean turned around, not wanting to watch his brother conspiring with the enemy. He reached for his phone – only to drop it as out of the blue his left shoulder was on fire, the pain taking his breath away.

“Dean!”

When Dean opened his eyes again, he was kneeling on the floor, his hand clutching his shoulder, as the burning slowly receded. Sam was kneeling next to him and the way he said his name twice more and with more and more force in his voice let Dean know that his brother was panicking about him.

Groaning, Dean tried to get himself under control.

“Dean, what’s going on?”

“My shoulder -- it’s burning.”

Sam didn’t hesitate to help Dean take off his jacket and the loose plaid shirt. At every step, he had to pry away Dean’s hand anew, but he did it with just enough force to get the job done without causing too much pain.

For some reason, Dean knew what they would find the moment Sam rolled up the short t-shirt sleeve.

He was right.

It had been gone for so long but he’d never forgotten the sensation. There hadn’t been a single day he hadn’t still felt it like one would feel a limb they’d lost.

And now it was back, fresh as it had been the day he’d crawled out of hell.

Cas’ handprint.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“This is my voicemail. Make your voice … a mail.”

Groaning in frustration, Sam ended the call. This marked the ninth time he’d tried reaching Cas within the last half hour. Dean had tried it the moment he’d seen the handprint on his shoulder but even though he’d talked to the angel just mere minutes before, the phone had gone straight to voicemail and had been ever since.

Putting the phone aside, Sam threw his brother a worried glance.

“Dean, you sure about –”

“For fuck's sake, Sam. Do you have a better idea?”

Dean didn’t even look up from painting Enochian symbols hastily yet with a meticulous precision on the floor. Hesitating, Sam wished he could give his brother any other answer, but he seriously didn’t know what to do anymore. He wasn’t able to track Cas’ phone, not getting any signal at all. He’d even called Crowley, but the King of Hell was “indisposed” at the moment. They were running out of options as well as time, so there really was no other answer.

“No, I –”

“Then do me a favor and shut up.”

Sam did as his brother asked. Every minute they didn’t get a hold of Cas had Dean more and more on edge, sick with worry, and almost crazed out.

And Sam understood.

Because he would’ve been the same if this had been about Jess.

_Or maybe Eileen_ , a little voice whispered in his head, yet Sam pushed the thought aside as quick as he could. They had no time for that. Eileen was safe, they’d texted just last night. What was important right now was Cas and the almost glowing handprint on Dean’s shoulder. Because if nothing else, the brothers agreed on one thing: the return of it after almost seven years could mean nothing good.

“You done?”

Dean’s gruff voice brought Sam back to the task at hand. Throwing the last ingredient into the mix, he nodded and took the bowl over to the drawing on the floor.

“Got the trinket?” he asked as he made sure the bowl was positioned right. Dean knelt next to him, putting a green gemstone where the trinket was supposed to sit.

Their eyes met for a second and Dean went into a defensive mode right away. “What? Cas loves his stones and this is his favorite. For whatever reason.”

Shaking his head and scoffing, Sam got up, repressing the urge to punch his brother. He seriously didn’t know if Dean was simply that stupid or just pretending not to know why a stone with this particular color would be the angel’s favorite. Seeing how long his brother had repressed all his feelings, both options were possible.

Lighting a match, Dean didn’t hesitate to set the mixture in the bowl on fire, finally summoning Cas.

Only the angel that showed up most definitely wasn’t their friend.

“You’re not Cas,” Dean growled out and instinctively, Sam reached for his brother to hold him back. If he entered the circle it would most likely break and the angel would be free to leave.

The guy was grinning at them, something about it instantly leaving a bad feeling in Sam’s gut. Something was most definitely wrong.

“My, my, aren’t you a clever one.”

“Cut it out,” Sam intervened. “Where’s Cas?”

“ _Castiel_ is none of your business anymore.”

“What the fuck?”

Sam’s grip on Dean’s arm tightened, keeping him in place. He had to be the level headed one here, as it seemed. “What do you mean?”

“It was time to bring him back home. Back where he belongs.”

“Cas belongs wherever he wants to be,” Dean spat out. It became harder and harder to control his brother but Sam didn’t loosen his hold on him. “And he has a home here.”

“Which soon he won’t remember anymore,” the dark-skinned angel replied with a smug grin.

There was no chance for Sam after that to hold his brother back. He was at the angel’s throat in a heartbeat. “You sonofabitch, what have you done? Where is he?”

“He’s in Heaven where you will never be able to reach him again. And even if,” the smirk on the winged dick’s lips never wavered. If anything, it only grew wider as he leaned in. “Soon enough he’ll have forgotten all about you and his time on earth. You’ve lost, Dean Winchester.”

Dean was fuming and yet, he seemed to still have enough faith in his friend to reply, “Never. You dicks have tried it before and you’ve failed every single time. Cas will find a way home.”

What happened next was so absurd Sam couldn’t grasp it before it was already over. The angel’s grin grew impossibly wider as he touched two fingers to Dean’s forehead. In the next moment, Dean was kneeling on the floor, screaming in agony. The moment was over within a heartbeat and when Dean came out of whatever it was, his eyes were filled with tears and so much pain it broke Sam’s heart.

Dean looked up at the angel, his voice small and pleading. “What have you done?”

“We’re erasing his memory of you, one line at a time. Soon, it will be as if he’d never met you.”

“What have you done to him?” The way Dean’s voice broke ripped at Sam’s heart. Never in his life had he seen his brother this broken.

Leaning down, the angel reached for Dean, touching him as if he was cradling his face, mocking him. “What all the other angels tried and failed to do: we’re finally cutting out his human weakness. You!”

The angel was gone before Sam could react, the circle indeed broken as Dean had stepped inside. Sam was next to his brother just in time to catch him as Dean tumbled over. The way he clung to him was testimony enough for Sam to know that something terrible had just happened.

“Dean, talk to me. What did he show you?”

“Cas.” It was all his brother seemed to be able to press out. He was shaking badly and Sam didn’t know what to do. Never in Sam’s life had he witnessed Dean allowing himself to display such weakness, leaving him at a loss as to how to handle it.

Thankfully, after a moment it seemed his brother was able to pull himself together. “He’s in some kind of prison. He … Sam, we need to get him out of there.”

“Okay,” Sam answered right away, helping his brother get back on his feet. He could sense that there was more to it. Seeing Cas in prison was certainly not enough to leave Dean as shaken up as he was. “So he’s in Heaven?”

“I guess so.”

How were they going to get into Heaven? The only access now was through a portal and Cas had warned them a long time ago not to use it as it would instantly kill them. Crowley wouldn’t help them either, he was sure of that. Even the King of Hell had his limits.

An idea formed in his mind. An idea he was damn sure his brother would hate. Then again, he had agreed to work with them earlier.

“Dean, I -- I could call –”

“Yes. Call him. Ask him if they know how to get into Heaven.” While he was talking, he kneeled down, collected the green gemstone, and put it into his pocket. “I’ll get the weapons. Let’s hurry, we can’t lose any more time.”

Not looking back, Dean marched out of the room, no trace of his deep worry left. It was very clearly overridden by anger and determination.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Ten minutes later found the brothers in the Impala on their way to the British Men of Letters base. Mick hadn’t picked up at first but Sam had tried again and again until the dick had finally answered, only to tell him that they were in a meeting and he’d call him in the morning. It was already late, Dean knew. But there was no chance in Hell he would go to bed and sleep a few hours after what he’d seen.

Sam was next to him and now and then he felt his brother’s concerned gaze on him. He ignored it. It wasn’t as if he wanted to keep Sam in the dark, but he simply couldn’t talk about it. He would give anything to unsee what the angel dick had shown him.

Cas.

Half naked in agony on a stone floor.

His body covered in some kind of writing Dean couldn’t make sense of in the few seconds the other angel had let him look at his friend.

The words _Cas will find a way home_ burning into Cas’ skin, making him scream, only to vanish again right away, not sticking to his skin as all the other writing.

_“Erasing his memory of you, one line at a time.”_

The words still echoed in Dean’s mind. Even though he had no idea what they’d done to Cas, one thing was for sure: he was losing his memories.

Dean gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white as his mind wandered to just a few short weeks ago.

One stupid witch and his world had almost fallen apart.

His desperation every time he realized he’d forgotten things he just _knew_ were important. His family. His angel. Even his own name. He still remembered and the chill those memories left all over him almost made him throw up.

He would not let Cas go through that as well. He would get him out of there, no matter the cost.

Gripping the steering wheel even harder, Dean tried to distract himself. They were drawing closer to their destination when he cleared his throat. Talking was better than thinking. Besides, it probably wasn’t the best idea to let Sam walk into this unprepared.

“He’s covered in ink or something.” His voice was almost too quiet with the roaring of his Baby. “Maybe it’s burns, I don’t know.”

Sam nodded, although Dean was pretty sure his brother couldn’t make any more sense of this than he could. “What kind of ink? Like symbols? Runes? Enochian letters?”

“No, not Enochian,” Dean replied, shaking his head. “It’s normal English. Letters or lines. I -- I couldn’t make out what was written, only saw the words I’d just said. You know, the thing about Cas finding his way home. And, Sam … it -- it _burned_ into his skin right in front of my eyes and then just -- just vanished.”

“Burned? As in, someone burned it in?”

“No. Not someone. Something. There was no hand, just the letters magically showing up.” He sighed, the sick feeling he’d had in his stomach ever since he’d seen the handprint not calming down. “Look, I don’t really get it, okay. But, Sam … with what that winged dick just said? Them erasing his memories? I’m sure if we don’t stop this, Cas will forget everything. And I mean _everything_! He’ll forget us, he’ll forget our friendship, and most importantly, he’ll forget what it means to think for himself.”

“He’ll lose his free will,” Sam whispered, catching onto Dean’s train of thought.

“Yes,” Dean confirmed just as the base appeared ahead of them. “He’ll be a mindless minion of Heaven again.”


	2. Chapter 2

They reached the base around midnight and were permitted entrance without much fuss. One of the lackeys, as Dean liked to call them, escorted them to a conference room. It seemed the British Men of Letters had gained more manpower, as there were about ten people sitting around the oval table, discussing something over maps and books. Mary was there, as were Ketch and Mick.

Dean didn’t care what they were working on or if he was interrupting some top secret Men of Letters shit. This was more important than anything else.

“Cas is in danger,” he exclaimed the moment he stormed into the room, Sam hot on his heels. The chatter instantly stopped, all eyes on them as Dean continued. “The angels have him in Heaven and threw him in prison.”

If he’d hoped for people to jump up and tumble over themselves in their haste to help, he certainly would have been disappointed. Good thing he was a realistic person, as there was zero movement at all. Except for most eyes wandering over to a grim, older lady who instantly reminded Dean of Naomi.

He already hated the bitch.

“What exactly is it you’re expecting us to do, Mr. Winchester?”

Yep, didn’t like her. Not one bit.

“Help me find a way into Heaven. Help me get him out of there.”

“And why should we do that?”

Dean was bristling, but before he could tell the lady in no uncertain terms what he thought of her, Sam stepped in. Always the rational one, his voice was still calm and collected.

“Look, Mrs. …?”

“ _Doctor_ Hess.”

“Right, Dr. Hess. I’m sure you’ve already heard about our friendship with Castiel.”

“I most certainly have, yes,” came the haughty reply, the disapproval clearly visible on her face. “I’ve heard all about your … _alliances_ with the supernatural world.”

Okay, that was enough. “Listen, Lady. I don’t care what you think about us, but Cas is our friend and he’s in danger of losing all his memories.” Dean almost choked on his last words, his own demons coming back, threatening to haunt him. But this wasn’t about him, this was about Cas and if they didn’t save him, the angel would lose so much more than Dean had ever been in danger of losing. “Do you even know what that means?” he added, already knowing the answer that would come.

“No, Mr. Winchester, I do not. And to be quite frank, I don’t care. If this angel is gone, there’s one less supernatural creature we have to worry about.”

“ _Supernatural creature_? What the hell is wrong with you? This is _Cas_ we’re talking about!”

Sam’s hand landed on his shoulder, and before he could throw it off, his brother spoke. “Mick, listen.”

Mick turned towards Sam, but Dean noticed right away that his demeanor had changed; his back not as straight as usual, the easy smile gone. He wasn’t in charge anymore and the way he carried himself certainly showed that.

Still, Sam tried. “You wanted us on board and I told you earlier that Dean is in. But -- but shouldn’t this be a mutual partnership? I mean, you need our help, we come. And -- and now we need your help, so … what’s your move?”

“I’m sorry, Sam,” Mick replied and in his defense, he really did look sorry. “But it’s Dr. Hess’ call now.”

The brothers’ eyes wandered back to the Naomi-lookalike, only to be interrupted by Mary.

“Dean, Sweetie,” their mother finally spoke up.

As Dean looked at her, he realized that he had no idea how to react. It was their first reunion after the incident with the vampires. The last time he’d seen her, he’d somewhat forgiven her for working with the Brits, but seeing her now, here, in the middle of all the other Men of Letters … Why did she look more like one of them than like a Hunter? Not enough time had passed for Dean to get used to all her choices and actions. And even though he tried to not hold it against her (especially not now as he was seeking help from the Brits), he still couldn’t shake the feeling that he didn’t actually know this woman. He couldn’t shake the feeling that she had changed even more.

Her next words, sadly, confirmed that his gut feeling was justified. “Do you realize what you’re asking of us?”

“What the hell kind of question is that?” Dean threw back, the sense of betrayal flaring up again. Despite it, he tried to stay calm. “Mom, you know Cas. You _know_ him. How can you sit there and -- and debate about this?”

“Because,” his mother began, only to stop herself and throw a glance at the bitch in charge. A simple nod from Hess seemed to be enough for her to continue. Fucking perfect, so his mother truly was a minion of the British assholes now. Dean gritted his teeth so hard his jaw hurt.

“Dean, you’re asking us to -- to invade _Heaven_ to save an angel.”

Did she really not get it? “Not just an angel, Mom. Cas! We’re talking about Cas.”

“Who is still, in fact, a supernatural creature, friendship or not.” That was Ketch, leaning complacently in his chair, looking at them as if they were nothing more than rookie hunters that still didn’t know what was out there.

It got Dean’s blood boiling. “Look, what’s your damn problem, man?”

“Dean, please calm down.”

“Calm down, Mom? You ask me to calm down?” How could she even talk like that? “Cas is up there and in danger of forgetting _everything_. I think you don’t get what that means. It was _me_ who taught him about free will and humans and emotions. If he forgets that -- if he forgets _me_ …” It would kill Dean. Losing Cas in battle was one thing. But having the man forget him again? Like all those years ago when Naomi had brainwashed him? Dean was sure he wouldn’t survive that.

Not that he was going to say that in front of a bunch of assholes.

“If he loses his memory of all that, he’ll be a mindless minion of Heaven again.”

“Maybe that’s how it should be.”

Dean was so baffled he could only stare at his mother as she went on.

“Maybe this is the price he’ll pay for killing that reaper. She did warn us of cosmic consequences, remember?”

His mother’s voice was calm, probably meant to be soothing.

It only enraged Dean even more. Who even was this woman sitting in front of him? Just a few days ago, he’d kicked her out of the bunker for working with the enemy. For betraying his trust. He’d forgiven her because she was still his mother – and now she was betraying him again? And not just him, but also Cas.

“I thought you liked him,” he spat out accusingly. “I thought you two bonded over the time you tried to save us.”

“We did. And, yes I like him. But -- Dean …”

“What?!”

She looked at him with this _look_. This look like he was still a child. A toddler that didn’t understand the world that lay before him. Didn’t she realize that by now, she was actually younger than him? That he’d seen more shit in this world than she ever had? And still, she thought she was the one having to explain the world to him?

“He might be our friend,” she continued. “But maybe this is for the best.”

“Come again?” Dean tried really hard not to just explode, but his mother was not making it easy on him. Had they brainwashed her? Or was this how she’d really thought of Cas all along?

“He’s now where he really belongs. Dean, angels belong in Heaven –”

“You so don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“ – and friend or not: he’s still a supernatural creature.”

“He’s NOT a supernatural _creature_! How can you even say that?”

“Because that’s the truth.”

He wanted to scream. Wanted to punch something and break it. Wanted to take a machete and just slaughter something, just to let out his rage. He wanted to shake her and get her to see reason. “This is CAS we’re talking about! He’s my best friend. He’s _family_!”

“Dean –”

“You might wanna stop saying things like that,” a new voice interrupted his mother. It was a voice Dean knew very well and thought he’d never get to hear again. His head whipped around as did everybody else’s. While he heard weapons being drawn, all he could do was to look at the guy almost lying in the chair, feet on the table, a lollipop in his mouth, and a wide grin on his lips. Dean couldn’t believe it.

“Gabe?” Sam was the first to find his words, sounding as stunned as Dean felt.

A few heads turned towards Sam and looked at him in question before fixing their eyes back on the intruder. Only their mother still looked at her son. “You know him?”

Sam nodded, reaching for her hand to make her lower her gun. “Yeah, he’s a _friend_.”

“You sure about that?” Dean asked. He wasn’t going to trust any angel at the moment. Especially not a supposedly dead one that had killed him over and over just for the fun of it.

Gabe’s grin turned wider. “Aww, Dean-o, don’t say that. I thought you liked me.”

“Gabe, this might not be the best time,” Sam intervened, probably trying to diffuse the situation if the worried gaze he sent towards Dean was any indication.

“Oh, I beg to differ, Sammy-boy. This is the best of times. Why else do you think I came back out of hiding?”

“Okay, enough of this,” Dr. Hess interrupted. “Who are you?”

Gabe looked at the old lady and only grinned at her. His eyes wandered over the people in the room, not the slightest fraction of concern in his eyes. Of course not, none of their weapons would be able to harm him.

His wandering eyes stopped as they fell on Mary. “Ahh, Mary Winchester. Delighted to make your acquaintance.” As he made no move to introduce himself, Dr. Hess gave them a stern look and Sam crumbled. After clearing his throat, he explained, “That’s … Gabriel.”

“Gabriel who?”

“The archangel,” Dean answered Ketch’s question with a satisfied smirk. “Maybe read the Bible now and then.”

While the people around them obviously needed a minute to take in that new information, Dean paid them no further mind and turned back to Gabriel.

“What did you mean, I shouldn’t say these things?”

“Right to the chase. See, Dean-o, I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

“Cut the crap.”

At last, the smile vanished from the archangel’s face and he sat up straight. “Well, you just saw what happened to all the other words you ever said about my brother. If you don’t want him to be in agony every time you open your mouth, you better refrain from making meaningful statements until we’ve stopped this.”

An icy shower ran down Dean’s spine when he realized that his words must’ve burned into Cas’ skin as he’d said them. He swallowed hard and nodded.

“Do you know how to stop it?”

“It won’t be simple, Dean-o. There is no real cure. It’s more like … a loophole.”

“How do you know?” Sam threw in, mistrust palpable in his words.

As always, Gabe grinned. “Because I was the one to mix it in when Michael and Raphael created the curse.”

There was a small pause as the brothers looked at each other. It was Dean who spoke next. “Why?”

“Doesn’t matter. The important part is: there’s a way. But,” Gabe said, holding up one hand to stop Dean from talking. “As I said, it won’t be easy and the only one who could do it would be you, Dean. Alone. No help, no tricks, no nothing.”

“Why?” Mary interrupted. She’d gotten up by now and stood next to her sons. Dean could tell she wasn’t pleased about this. “Why my son?”

Oh, so now she worried about him? Wow, how very motherly of her.

“Because he’s the one binding Cas to earth. Therefore, it’s him who has to do it.”

It didn’t seem to be enough for his mother and she was about to speak again. However, Dean was quicker. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

This wasn’t her call to make. It was his.

“You sure, Dean-o? ‘Cause let me tell you, it won’t be a walk in the park.”

“You don’t want me to say any more meaningful crap, so I won’t. You should know my answer.”

“Good,” Gabe started, but Mary was quick to jump in once more.

“What are these things he has to do?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean declared, preventing any further talk right away. His mother wasn’t going to hold him back. “Whatever it is, Gabe, just take me there.”

“Alright.”

“Dean!” his mother exclaimed, pulling on his arm. “You can’t be serious! This –”

“I am dead serious,” Dean cut her off as he pulled away from her. “This is Cas. This is my best friend. He’s done everything for me and I won’t let him lose his freedom.”

“Dean, please. You have to see reason.”

As she reached for his arm again, he ripped it away. “I don’t have time to argue with you!”

“And I won’t let you do this,” she said forcefully, moving right up in his face.

But Dean didn’t waver, holding her gaze grimly. “This is _not_ your call to make.”

“I am your _mother_!”

“Oh, so _now_ you remember?” he spat out. “Well, let me tell you: I don’t care how you feel about this. Just like you didn’t care how Sam and I would feel when you first collaborated with those limey gits.” A fragment of what he’d told her during their last fight came back to him and he shook his head, not wanting to believe that once again they were at this point. “So, between us and them –”

“ _Dean_ –”

“No, you’re right. That’s not even what it is this time, isn’t it? Because now? This? This is about you either being on _my side_ or being _against me_.” He had to stop for a second, needing to take in the gravity of all this. “So what is it, _Mom_? And before you choose, you should know that I’ll go no matter what. Either come with me or step out of my way.”

They stared each other down and before long his mother’s gaze went soft.

“Dean, please,” she tried to plead with him one last time. “Please come to your senses. Friend or not, in the end, he’s a supernatural being and –”

“Okay, you know what, _Mary_?”

Just like on the day he’d kicked her out of the bunker, the pain over his use of her name was evident in her eyes. And just like last time, using her name like that killed something inside of him. But there was no turning back now. Maybe not ever.

Time to let her know that.

“At this point, Cas is more family to me than you will ever be.”

She pulled back as if he’d slapped her, yet he felt no remorse. He couldn’t believe what this woman had said about Cas. About his best friend. About the man --

Dean pressed his lips together, swallowing the bitter taste of the thought that had almost come back to mind after he’d buried it so deep inside of him.

Mary still looked shocked, but Dean couldn’t stop himself.  “Why Amara chose to bring _you_ back – out of all those people I’ve lost over time – I’ll never understand.”

Again, he could see how deep his words had cut her, but he’d meant every single one of them. Maybe it had once been his deepest wish to have his mother back. But knowing her now? This woman? No, she wasn’t the mother he’d always thought her to be. It had been an illusion, the wish of a little kid. Maybe if somehow she’d lived on somewhere and would’ve been at the age of his real mother. One that would have been thrilled to get to know her grown up sons and not mourned for the babies she’d lost. Then yes, maybe. But this was a young woman, almost a decade his junior. This was not _his_ mother. Not in this timeline, not in this universe.

Turning away from her and from the tears forming in her eyes, he looked over at Gabe, who simply snapped his fingers and as Dean blinked again, he found himself back in the bunker, Sam right by his side.

“Dean?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” he interrupted his brother’s reprimand that was surely coming.

However, Sam surprised him. “Just wanted to say that you spoke my mind.”

The brothers exchanged a quick glance and the big brother in Dean hurt as he saw the same tiny little shred of light break behind Sam’s eyes as it had in him only seconds before. Their mother was truly gone for them.

But there were more pressing issues to talk about right now.

As they turned towards Gabe, the archangel had his lollipop back in his mouth, waiting for the two brothers to get on with it.

“So, how do I save him?”

“Okay, so this might sound a bit weird,” Gabe began, pacing the bunker’s floor. “But the curse they put on Cassie was originally designed for angels that fell in love with a human and wanted to stay on Earth with them.”

Dean could feel the blood drain from his face. How did Gabe – “Now, I know you and Cassie simply share a deep friendship –” Oh, good, “– but some still might call that a form of love, even though it’s not that kind of love. However you wanna see or call it, you are somehow the reason Cas stayed on Earth time and time again and therefore, metaphorically speaking, you’re ‘the love’ that binds him to Earth.”

“Metaphorically speaking,” Dean emphasized, feeling a bit nauseous.

Apparently not realizing what was going on in Dean, Gabe agreed while Sam threw him a bitchy look. Dean hated that kind of look.

Gabe continued. “So, that’s the reason the spell worked at all.”

“What exactly is this curse? What is happening to Cas?” Sam interrupted. Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe they really should know it all. But Dean was impatient to get to the part where he would save Cas.

Gabe stopped pacing, leaning against the table instead, as he took his time to explain. “What happened is that once that curse was put on him, every meaningful word ever spoken between these two as well as everything they ever said about each other, burned into his skin.”

Dean had suspected that but hearing it for real made it so much worse.

“Over time, the lines will vanish in reverse order. And … with them his memories of these moments.”

Nodding, Sam leaned against the table. “Which means in the very end, he’ll have forgotten everything.”

“Yes, theoretically.”

“Theoretically?” Dean asked, squinting at Gabriel.

“I’m not going to let that happen,” Gabe stated with conviction. “Do you have any idea how much I’d hoped that my favorite brother would learn what free will is? Real emotions? Love? It took him millennia to get to this point. For some reason, you were able to tear down those walls within a few short years. I will not go back to watching my baby bro be a mindless soldier.”

There was determination in Gabe’s voice. Dean wouldn’t have needed it to know how serious Gabe was about this. The angel had been in hiding for years. Even the Darkness and the return of God hadn’t brought him back. But Cas in danger did.

Maybe he could like this archangel after all. One day, maybe.

“Okay, tell me then: what do I need to do?”

Gabe took up his pacing again, almost making Dean dizzy. “When Michael and Raphael invented this curse to erase memories from an angel’s mind, I intervened and threw in an option for this curse to be lifted as long as it hasn’t reached the first line ever spoken. For that, the human lover –” he pointed at Dean, who felt heat rising in his neck but tried to stay calm, “– would need to fulfill three tasks to show themselves worthy of the angel in question.”

“Did someone take the challenge before?”

Gabe stopped once more and looked at Sam with a sad expression that promised no satisfying answer.

“Yes, twice.”

“Did they succeed?”

“No. The first one got stuck in the second task, the other one wasn’t willing to fulfill the last one. Both angels forgot about their human lovers and the humans lived out their lives in misery.”

“That’s terrible,” Sam whispered.

Dean nodded in agreement, swallowing. He knew exactly how these two must have felt and even though it might have been centuries ago, he felt for them. Or at least for the first one. As for the second one … never ever would he decline a task if it meant he could save Cas.

“What kind of tasks?” Even though he’d told Mary earlier that it didn’t matter – which was true – he still felt it was better to know what he was walking into.

Gabe was already shaking his head. “I can’t tell you. That would be against the rules and automatically lead to you failing. You need to walk into this unprepared.”

Dean thought about it all for a moment. But really, in the end, there was no other answer than the one he’d already given. “Then let’s do this.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Sam didn’t like being left behind, but Gabe was only able to take the one that would be on trial. It was already late but Sam had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. Gabriel had warned him to not expect Dean back too soon. Whatever these tasks were that his brother had to fulfill, time was irrelevant in Heaven and during the trial. Getting himself a strong coffee, Sam sat down and tried to find anything new on Kelly Kline and Lucifer’s unborn baby.


	3. Chapter 3

“Why did the handprint on my shoulder return?”

Dean hated small talk, but it was better than walking silently next to the archangel. Seemed even Gabriel had to find other ways to get him upstairs now that Heaven had been rearranged. He’d been able to get them in through a back door, but now they were walking along the white corridors of Heaven to get to the control center or whatever. Currently, they were walking along all the Marks that had died over the millennia.

Gabe seemed more focused and determined than Dean could remember ever seeing the archangel, but he still answered him. “Because it was the first thing ever ‘spoken’ between you two if you will. A solid bond that has always been there, even after Cassie healed your skin.”

What had Cas called it all these years ago? A more profound bond?

“Yeah, but why does it show up on _my_ shoulder?”

“Because you’re Cas’ other half in this whole thing.” Gabe gave him a quick glance and must’ve realized this wasn’t enough of an explanation. “It didn’t just happen to you, Dean-o. For the other two humans, it was simply their first words exchanged with their angel. It’s normal.”

Dean took the explanation and let the topic slide.

There was no more time for talking anyway as in the next minute they were walking towards what looked like the conference room of a fancy company building. Some angels were gathered and the moment they caught sight of Gabriel and Dean their conversations all but died.

Gabe used the short moment of total bafflement to take control right away. He let the door fly open, granting the two of them a loud entrance. Without hesitation, he exclaimed, “Ladies and Gentlemen, fellow angels. I bring you this year’s champion from Earth.”

Rolling his eyes, Dean stepped out of Gabe’s shadow and spoke the words the archangel had drilled into him, “I, Dean Winchester, son of John and Mary Winchester, come to face the trial on behalf of the angel Castiel.”

The moment the last word was spoken, he could feel a shift in the air and all of a sudden, their surrounding had changed. They were in some kind of dungeon and Dean quickly realized that it was the prison he’d seen in the vision. Turning around, he saw Cas in one of the cells and even though other angels started talking in angry voices, he ignored them and hastened towards the bars.

“Cas!”

“Dean?”

His angel looked even more drained than he had a few hours ago when Dean had to witness words being burned into his skin. His blue eyes were dull, his hair a mess, his skin color pale under all the letters that could be black ink but were really just burned flesh.

Dean had to bite back his tears. “I’m gonna get you out of here.”

“Dean, there’s no way. You need to leave. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I don’t need to know. Cas, I …” Biting his lower lip, Dean reminded himself not to say anything meaningful. Watching Cas being tortured through a vision had already been painful enough. Seeing it in person might just break him.

“No, Dean please -- please. I know the curse they put on me. I’ve seen it before and it never ended well. Dean, I couldn’t –”

“You shouldn’t finish that sentence, baby bro,” Gabe said, kneeling next to Dean.

Cas’ eyes went wide as they took in the archangel. “Gabriel?”

“Yes, it’s me. Trust me, Dean is prepared as much as he can be.”

“We both know there’s no preparation for this.”

Cas voice was so small it tugged at Dean’s heart. All he wanted to do was wrap his angel in a blanket and never let go of him again. Maybe once this was all over that would be exactly what he would do.

There was a suspicious mumbling behind him and as he turned he could see all the other angels huddled together, talking agitatedly with each other.

“What’s going on there?”

Gabe smirked at him. “They’re discussing if they want to allow you to take the trial.”

“What!? Gabe, you never said –”

“Calm down, Dean-o. They can’t deny you. Let them believe the power is on their side.”

“Why are you so sure?”

“Because if you remember, this is _my_ loophole. Therefore I’ll be the judge of this, starting with who is allowed to participate, ‘till the point of deciding if you’ve succeeded in a task or not.”

Now, why hadn’t the dick told him that earlier?

“Do you mean to tell me you can just decide that I’ve mastered every task and this will be done?”

“No, of course not,” Gabe replied, rolling his eyes. “That would make it way too easy on you. Just because I like you and just ‘cause Cassie is my favorite brother doesn’t mean this will be a case of nepotism. I have to judge within the rules or this will all go to Hell.”

“Gotcha,” Dean mumbled just as the noises behind them stopped.

Turning around, Dean was faced with the same angel that had shown up when they’d tried to summon Cas. He didn’t look pleased with what he was about to say. “We’ve come to the decision to let Dean Winchester be on trial.”

“Very wise decision, Kelvin,” Gabe replied, getting up and pulling Dean to his feet.

A limp hand grabbed around his ankle. “Dean, no. Please. Please don’t -- don’t do this. You don’t know what will happen. Please.”

“I’m sorry, Cassie. It’s been decided,” Gabe replied and before Dean could even reassure his angel one last time, he saw Gabe’s hand move towards his face. Even though he’d anticipated the touch, he wasn’t prepared for the cold sting. Then his world went black.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Sam was on his third pot of coffee when his phone pinged with a new text message. It was from Eileen and Sam couldn’t help the smile that stole itself on his lips.

_[Text from Eileen:] Are you still up?_

_[Text from you:] Yes. How are you?_

_[Text from Eileen:] I think I found something on Kelly Kline. Want to skype?_

_[Text from you:] Sure, gimme a second._

He quickly connected with Skype and dialed for Eileen. The moment he saw her smiling face, something icy inside of him vanished. He was still worried for his brother and for Cas. Essentially losing his mother still hurt.

But somehow, Eileen made him feel better already.

“Hello, Sam.”

“Hey, Eileen. It’s good to see you again …”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!WARNING!!  
>  This Alternative Universe is set in a place of an unidentified war! So be prepared for death, agony, and torture.  
> !!YOU CAN SKIP IT!!  
> simply search for this ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ and continue reading from there

A detonation close by woke him.

His eyes flew open but he was disorientated for a few seconds. What was happening? Where was he? Why was he here?

“Dean? Oh thank God, you’re awake. Thought we’d lost you.”

A gruff face appeared in front of him and somehow, when his vision was able to focus, he just knew who it was.

“Benny?”

“No, man. The Prince of Louisiana. Of course it’s me.”

“What the –?”

Another detonation cut him short. It was followed by gunfire and Dean felt like his head was exploding. He closed his eyes, trying hard to remember anything.

“Man, you hit your head harder than I’d thought. Stay down and take a minute. We’re still under attack.”

And then Benny moved and Dean had a clear sight of his uniform.

All the memories came rushing back. Of course. They were at war and his battalion was at the front, facing the enemy. His father and three younger brothers were all stationed around here somewhere as well. He’d just talked to them this morning.

How could he have forgotten about that?

He gave himself a few more minutes before rejoining his battalion.

They were under attack well into the night, the silence after the gunfire and detonations just broken by the cries of their enemies dying on no-man’s-land. The hours passed and they all tried to find some sleep as the cries became fewer and fewer until finally, they’d all died down.

Except for one.

“For Heaven’s sake, someone shoot that guy,” Ash complained next to him. “He’s going to rob us all of our sleep.”

Maybe it was the fact that Dean had hit his head so hard. Or maybe he was just not as dead inside as his comrades. Not yet, anyway. But for him, hearing the cries of those slowly dying was the worst during war. A quick death, being shot down, no problem. But lying there, dying in agony and pain, all alone? It sounded like a nightmare he wished on no one.

Not even his enemies.

“Winchester, what do you think you’re doing?”

He had no idea. All he knew was that someone out there was in agony, dying an inhuman death and something pulled him towards that man. He was on his feet without a conscious decision, but Victor’s question brought him up short.

His whole battalion was watching him. Within a heartbeat, Dean came to the conclusion that he was about to do the right thing, consequences be damned.

“Henriksen, someone out there’s dying and not in a humane way.”

“So? He’s the enemy.”

“He’s a person. And no one deserves to die like that.”

“Winchester, put your ass back down and get some shut-eye. I’m warning you.”

“Sorry, but no. If you can live with these screams in your mind, then so be it. I can’t. And I certainly won’t find peace until they stop.”

With that, he climbed up the ladder to get out of the trenches and into no-man’s-land.

Darkness was his friend but he still needed to be extremely careful. It could be a trap, after all. Carefully, he made his way towards the dying man, gaining yard after yard on him. When he was within reach and actually able to see the outline of the man, he waited for a few moments, making sure the man really was in agony and not just faking it for a trap.

Nothing looked suspicious and with a quick leap, Dean was on the guy, one hand covering the man’s mouth, the other one pressing a knife to the man’s throat for a quick and painless death.

Huge blue eyes found his, fear so clearly written in them.

Dean hesitated, not able to move the knife either way. How long he was lying on the man and just looking into his eyes, he had no idea. He was captivated, and something inside of him screamed not to take this man’s life. To save him instead, protect him, give his life for him.

Slowly, he moved the knife away from the man’s throat.

“Don’t make a noise. I’ll bring you back and get you help. They … they can use you to get one of our soldiers back.”

Dean knew he was mumbling and rather talking to himself. He also knew this was farfetched and more to convince himself. But he had to do this, he just knew. Letting this man die … he just couldn’t.

“Why are you doing this?”

Searching the blue eyes once more, Dean found nothing but wonder and gratitude in them.

“I don’t know.”

Not hesitating any further, he heaved the guy on his back, holding the limp arms over his chest. A groan reminded him that this guy had a fatal wound somewhere. However, he neither had the time nor the light to search for it.

Running back as quick as he could he still made sure not to step on anything. Or anyone.

He had no idea how to explain this to his higher ups.

 

~*~

 

It had been two days since he’d rescued his enemy and brought him to the medics. He did not get into trouble as his comrades had predicted and the Major had confirmed that they would make sure to use the soldier in exchange for one of their own. With that knowledge, Dean should be able to forget about these damn blue eyes. And he tried, he really did.

Until his youngest brother found him and told him the truth.

“Are you sure?” Dean whispered as they hid in a corner to not be spied on. “Major Devereaux gave me his word.”

“He lied. Dean, I swear he’s still here, being tortured for information.” Adam looked around to make sure no one could hear them. He was risking a lot to tell Dean this. “I was the one to bring him his food. He looks terrible.”

This shouldn’t touch Dean. The guy – Castiel, as he’d found out by now – was still their enemy. Had probably killed friends of Dean’s. Why was this affecting him? So much so, that he’d told his siblings about what had happened? So much so that Adam felt the need to risk a disciplinary procedure just to tell him Castiel was actually being tortured?

After hugging his brother in thanks, he sent the boy away so he wouldn’t be seen with him.

 

~*~

 

That night, he left his post. Thanks to Adam, he knew just where to go and as he got to the room where they held Castiel captive, he carefully picked the lock and sneaked inside.

Castiel looked terrible. He was sitting in a chair, arms and legs bound to it. His face was a bloody mess, covered in cuts and bruises. He was shirtless and all over his body Dean found more cuts and even parts that looked like burns.

Oh, how he hated his own people in this moment.

He intended to shake the man awake but as he got closer, Castiel moved, slowly raising his head, letting Dean see even more of the mess. The blue eyes still captivated Dean, even though they were almost swollen shut.

They stared at each other for a few silent moments.

It was Castiel who broke it. “You can do whatever you want. I won’t give you anything.”

“I’m not here for that.”

“Then why? Came to taunt me?”

“No,” Dean stated, actually kneeling down in front of Castiel as he realized that the man had a hard time keeping his head up. “No, I came to get you out of here.”

A quiet huff that could count as laughter was Castiel’s only reply.

“Castiel, I’m serious.”

At the sound of his name, he looked back at Dean, searching his eyes.

“This was not what I thought would happen when I saved you. I swear.”

“Then you’re naïve. Maybe you should have killed me back there.”

“Maybe you’re right. But I couldn’t. Same as I can’t leave you here now.”

Dean was sure he’d never get tired of watching those eyes. He’d never thought of himself as the sappy, romantic guy, but there was something about these eyes and it was all he needed to know that Castiel was a thoroughly _good_ person. Certainly, the guy was worth everything that could happen to Dean for what he was doing here.

Castiel was still searching Dean’s face, not finding what he was looking for. “Why?” he breathed out.

Shaking his head, Dean started to untie the man, first his legs, then his hands. “I still don’t know. It just feels wrong to let this happen to you.”

“Are you always disobeying orders just because they feel wrong?”

“Not always, no. But …” He was done with the ties and looked back at Castiel while the man was rubbing his sore wrists. “In cases like this, yes. I’m a human being with a conscience after all.”

“And your conscience tells you to save me?”

“Yes,” Dean replied, grinning. “Guess that’s what we call free will, right?”

This pulled a small smile from the man and encouraged Dean to get back on his feet. Holding out his hand, their eyes caught once more.

“And now I guess it’s your choice. Stay here and obey or get tortured. Or come with me. Even though that’s an unsure future.”

Once again, Castiel’s eyes searched his. At long last, he took the offered hand.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Dean drew in a heavy breath when his eyes flew open. It was as if he’d just resurfaced from being underwater for too long. He knew Castiel had just reached for him, but he couldn’t feel his hand anymore. Instead, he was lying on a cold stony floor. Panic crept through his core.

“Calm down, Dean. You’re back.”

He knew that voice.

A face came into focus and with it, his memories – his _real_ memories – crashed down on him.

“Cas? Cas!”

“I’m here, Dean.”

The raspy voice came from behind him, forcing Dean to turn and squirm so he could see his angel. There he was, still covered in the ink-like burns, looking at him with wide eyes. But he was okay. He was alive.

Dean turned back towards Gabriel who was kneeling over him, not able to stop himself from asking, “The other Castiel? What -- what happened?”

Raising one eyebrow, Gabe passed a glass of water towards Dean. “That was just an illusion Dean, you should know that.”

“Fuck you, Gabe. It felt real enough. Tell me, is he okay?”

Despite seething with rage over Gabe’s blatant disregard towards this alternative universe version of Cas, Dean still took the water from him and gulped it down.

The archangel sighed and looked up, sending whoever he was looking at a meaningful gaze, before turning back to Dean. “Sure, Winchester. He’ll live out a happy life.”

“Dick,” Dean replied, knowing full well that Gabe only said this to appease him.

Then the gravity of it all hit him.

“Shit, did I make it?” His eyes flew to Cas – _his_ Cas, the real one – and back to Gabe. “Did I pass?”

“Yes. And with flying colors, let me tell you.”

Squinting, Dean handed Gabe the glass back.

“How come? I constantly broke rules and disobeyed. Aren’t you angels all for mindless following?”

“Hello?” Gabe replied, grinning. “Have you met me?”

Oh, right. It was Gabe that had invented these tasks.

“Still …”

“Dean, you broke the rules for the right reason. You put Cas over your own life, just because you felt it was the right thing to do. Tell me, how often did you not know why you were acting like you did?”

“The whole damn time.”

“See. And you still did. Because you felt drawn to Cas.”

“Wait,” Dean replied. “So you’re telling me this was about … what? My special bond with Cas?”

“Maybe? At least now we know what he means to you, no matter which version of him.”

“Fuck you, Gabe, you knew that already.”

“Did you think I would change the tasks just for you? These are set scenarios, my friend. No nepotism, remember? But, hey,” he added, clapping Dean on the shoulder. “You definitely added bonus points by not forcing Cas to run away with you. You gave him a choice. And as always, Cassie chose you.”

Gabe ended his little speech with a wink and another clap on the shoulder before getting up. Dean had to refrain from growling at the archangel, turning towards Cas instead.

“How are you doing?”

“Worried sick for you. You should never have agreed to this.”

“Well, too late now.” He really didn’t want to ask, but he needed to know how much time he had left. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Sorrowful eyes searched every inch of his face. No wonder he’d been so drawn to the Cas from this alternative universe. Cas’ eyes had always had that effect on him.

“We just got you back from being a demon. Tell me, did we ever get rid of the Mark of Cain?”

_Oh, dear Lord._

Swallowing, Dean tried to send Cas a reassuring smile. He knew it must’ve been rather weak, but it was all he could do as he nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s gone.”

The way his friend sighed in relief tucked at his heart, but Gabe left him no time to dwell on it. “You ready for round two, Dean-o?”

“Gabe, wait. How long was I in the first task?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Gabe replied, already reaching for Dean again. “Time is irrelevant in these scenarios. You wouldn’t be able to control it anyway. So, are you ready?”

Dean sent one last glance towards Cas before he nodded. A moment later, his world went black again.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Sam was frustrated as hell. Dean had been gone for days now and all Gabriel did when Sam had prayed to him for answers was to send a message, telling him it was going fine so far. It seemed he just had to believe the archangel since he couldn’t do much about the situation.

Other than with the problem they had at hand. They’d been so close to getting Kelly Kline and had even found a way that wouldn’t involve her murder or that of her child. But Dagon had shown up at the last moment and had taken her away. And if that wasn’t enough, Eileen had killed a British Man of Letters and was scared now of repercussions. She’d wanted to leave for Ireland after that, but had changed her mind. Sam was pretty sure it was because of him and the way he could hardly cope with Dean’s absence. Or rather not knowing what was going on.

Sighing, Sam did what he did best and got the next book out to find some ways to solve all their problems.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!WARNING!!  
>  This Alternative Universe contains infidelity!  
> !!YOU CAN SKIP IT!!  
> simply search for this ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ and continue reading from there

Sunlight tickled his nose and flit over his closed eyes. A light breeze brought in the smell of spring, the rustling of leaves, and the early morning song of birds. The body pressed next to him left him feeling warm, comfortable. Content.

Tender lips pressed against his chest, lazily drawing a pattern of peppered kisses all over his upper body. The smile on his own lips came unintentionally and he couldn’t have stopped it if he’d wanted to. But why would he not smile over all the affection?

His hand found its way into soft hair, directing the kisses up, letting them wandered over his neck and towards his ear.

“Good morning, my love,” a sleep-roughened voice rumbled.

Dean’s eyes snapped open and instinctively, he pushed the other man away. Memories came rushing back so fast his head hurt, making him groan in pain as he held his head.

“Dean? Are you okay?”

No. No, he was not okay. He was feeling sick because, _shit_. He didn’t know what to do or how to act.

Carefully, Dean looked towards the man, already knowing who he would see. As he looked into Cas’ concerned eyes, a wave of nausea came over him and Dean did the only rational thing he could think of. He jumped up and ran into the bathroom, just enough presence of mind to lock the door behind him. A second later, he was hanging over the toilet, emptying his stomach.

This was not happening.

How could they? This was not a trial, this was sick.

Sick and so, so wrong.

Heaving once more, Dean tried not to think about what was waiting on the other side. Yet all too soon a knock at the door made it impossible to forget.

“Dean? What happened?”

Flushing the toilet, Dean gave himself a moment to calm down, clinging to the toilet seat with all the strength he had left.

Unlike with his first task, Dean remembered. He remembered it all.

“Dean!”

“Just a minute,” he called out, closing his eyes and letting himself fall against the wall. His head hurt and he clutched it in his hands, letting the memories inside of him war with each other. Just like before, he knew who the Dean in this world was, all the memories there. But more importantly, he knew who he really was. Where he really came from. He knew this was a trial, that back home _his_ Cas was in danger.

And he could take a wild guess why those dicks had left him with both sets of memories.

“Come on, let me in. Do you need anything?”

Yes, he needed this to stop. He needed to find a way to solve this task so he could leave this world. Because every time he delved into the memories of “other Dean”, his stomach threatened to turn once more.

“Dean, please answer me.”

“‘m okay,” Dean mumbled, barely loud enough to be heard.

After a few more minutes, it was the memory of his own Cas back home that helped him get up and get over towards the sink. Quickly brushing his teeth, Dean tried to get rid of the bad taste. Cold water in his face and three deep breaths, and he was ready to face the music.

When he opened the door, blue eyes looked at him with deep concern, leaving him ready to turn back around and throw up a second time.

“You’re scaring me, Dean. You alright?”

Nodding, Dean pushed past the man, searching for his clothes. At least they were both in their boxer shorts, but “other Dean’s” memories of last night were vivid enough. Pushing those memories aside, Dean got dressed quickly and sat down on the bed to pull on his boots. He was aware of Cas’ eyes following his every move, but he needed a minute more to think about the best way to solve this task. What was it the angels wanted him to prove here? Last time it had been about doing the right thing. They were certainly _not_ doing the right thing here, not at all. He needed to end it, right away.

But it had also been about Cas choosing him. About Dean giving him a choice and Cas coming with him. Did he have to do that a second time?

Not yet finished with his thoughts, Dean was ripped out of them as Cas squatted down in front of him, his hands on Dean’s knees, his eyes holding Dean’s.

“Love, what’s wrong? Are you coming down with a cold?”

Shaking his head, Dean finally forced himself to look at Cas. If he wanted the task to be over soon, he had to get this over with.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What? Being sick?”

“No. This,” Dean clarified, pointing between the two of them.

Instantly, Cas backed away, eyes wide in shock. “What?! Why? Dean, what –”

“Look, I want to, okay?” Dean swallowed, trying to find the right balance between all those different memories and feelings in his head. “You know I want you. But … not like this.”

Blue eyes moved rapidly, seemingly searching every inch of Dean’s face. Probably for an answer. “Why?” he whispered after a quiet moment. “Just like that? Out of the blue?”

“This isn’t out of the blue.”

Yes, it was. At least for “other Dean”, because that guy had been fine with the arrangement they had. But the thought of it alone left Dean reeling, sickened not only by the situation but also by his other self.

“I thought you were okay with this.” Cas’ voice was small, pleading. And oh God. Chuck. Whatever … please give him strength. Because a little voice inside of him told Dean to just give in. Let it happen. Wasn’t that what he’d always wanted? Cas?

Shaking his head, Dean tried to suppress those memories of “other Dean”.

Yes. Yes, he … had feelings for _his_ Cas, but goddamnit. Not like this. This was wrong and he couldn’t do it.

“I was. At the beginning,” Dean explained, fighting the urge to give in. “But … Cas, this is wrong. You know that, I know that. We … we’ve ignored it for too long.”

“So, you’re breaking up with me? Just like that?”

As the first tear fell, Dean’s heart almost broke. He wanted to tell him what he felt, wanted to take him into his arms and never let him go …

_The first one got stuck in the second task._

Gabe’s words rang inside his mind. He couldn’t give in, he just couldn’t.

But how would he be able to convince Cas to choose him?

“No, Babe, no.” Dean bit his lip; the pet name had just tumbled out, unbidden. “But … I just … I can’t be the other guy anymore.”

There. He had said it. The change in Cas’ demeanor was instant, anger slipping in with sadness.

“That again, Dean?”

Sighing, Dean rubbed a hand over his face. “What do you want me to say, Cas? That I like being your dirty little secret? That I’m happy watching you pretending to be all happy and prim and proper? With your picture-perfect little family?”

“You know why I have to do it. Damnit, Dean. My parents –”

“I _know_ , okay? I know, but -- but Cas, damnit, you -- you have a wife and a kid. How long until she finds out? What would your parents say then?”

By now, neither of them were sitting or kneeling anymore, both up and leaning towards each other. Dean still tried to get all of his feelings in check. He couldn’t believe this Dean was fine with cheating on another person. And such a nice one at that. He knew this version of Meg and despite how much he didn’t like the demon back home, this one here was a lovely woman. Jesus, he even came over for Sunday dinners at their house. How twisted and sick were these versions of Cas and him?

Nevertheless, Dean had to find a way to convince this Cas to choose him or he would fail his Cas.

“Babe, look,” he began, only now realizing that Cas hadn’t answered his previous questions. “You … you know how I feel.” Dean knew he should probably say it. Say the words he’d never said to another person before, except for his mother (and wasn’t that just a bitter sting). But … he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell this Cas words that should be saved for _his_ Cas, and his Cas alone.

All he could do was hope that this Cas would remember that other Dean had said it often enough.

“And you know I want to be with you. So … just … let’s just go. Let’s go somewhere where no one knows us and where we can be together.”

Come to think of it, taking a husband and father away from his family was probably not right as well. But damn, how else should he solve this task?

Cas looked at him, apparently baffled Dean had even suggested it. “Dean, you _know_ I can’t do it. I have a family here and the family company I have to run. I can’t just _leave_.”

Dean remembered all this. They’d had this discussion years ago when they’d first gotten together. Back then, all he’d wanted was to be with Cas, ready to condone everything. He’d been Cas’ best man and he even was his kid’s godparent. Closing his eyes, Dean was still not able to take it all in. How could he? How could they?

But other Dean was willing to do everything for this Cas. Because he loved him so much.

Almost as much as Dean loved his Cas.

And fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why was it only now that he could be honest with himself? Why? He should have told his Cas years ago.

A single tear ran down his cheek. Without realizing it, they’d drifted further apart, Cas now standing close by the window and Dean next to the door. His emotions were battling with him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince this Cas to come with him. But he couldn’t stay here either. He would get lost in this universe and lose his own Cas. The man – the angel – he really loved. But once he left this task, he would have lost Cas forever. This one as well as his own. He would fail this task.

This was Hell. This was Hell all over.

He tried to recollect what Gabe had all told him as to why he’d passed the first task. But nothing fit. There were no rules to break because “it felt right”. Of course he felt drawn to Cas, but it would be the wrong thing to do and go against everything Dean believed in. He had never been a cheater, ever. It just wasn’t in his nature.

Letting himself fall against the door, Dean held his head, pulling on his hair. There was literally no way to solve this task and it broke him.

“Dean, please. Don’t be like that.” Cas voice sounded pleading but also somehow off.

Putting his hands inside his pocket, Dean tried to crouch in on himself, not able anymore to handle the situation.

And there he felt it.

The gemstone.

Cas’ favorite.

The one that had the color of Dean’s eyes.

And Dean made a decision in this very moment. Because if he had to fail this task, he at least wanted to be next to his angel. Not next to this man that was nothing like his own Cas.

“I’m sorry, Cas. But I’m leaving now. And once I’m through this door, you won’t see me again.” Somehow, he found the strength to look at the other Cas, trying to plead with him one more time. “This is your last chance to choose me.”

He knew the answer before he’d even finished talking. Cas was crying, so clearly heartbroken and about to fall apart. Yet still, he shook his head. “I am so, _so_ sorry. Dean. Please don’t leave me.”

Closing his eyes, Dean reached for the door knob, not able to look at this Cas any longer. “I’m sorry as well, Cas. Goodbye.”

With that, he was through the door, darkness surrounding him instantly.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

When he woke this time, Dean knew right away where he was but he couldn’t bear looking at his Cas. Crouching in on himself, he cried silent tears, not able to control his emotions anymore.

“Dean?”

The warm hand on his shoulder almost burned. Cas was so close. He’d trusted him and Dean had failed. He’d failed Cas.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, Cas. I’m sorry.”

“Dean, what’s wrong. You’re scaring me.”

“I failed. Cas, I’m so sorry, I failed.”

The hand on his shoulder didn’t move, Cas still trying to comfort him even though he didn’t deserve it.

He could sense Gabe’s presence next to him before the archangel spoke. “What are you talking about, Dean-o? You’ve passed again. Took you longer this time, but hey. You made it.”

_Wait, what?_

Dean tried to control his breathing. He didn’t care about how his face must’ve been tear-stained as he looked up at Gabriel. The archangel was actually smiling at him, his snark gone for once.

“How?”

“This task was there to show us that you _could_ walk away from Cas if it were for the right reason. And you did. It took you a while, we know. But in the end, you were able to give him up.”

Turning his head back into his arm, Dean tried to cope with all these new information. “How does that make sense? What did you test?”

“Well, seeing how you’re not willing to walk away from this Cas but rather stay by his side at all times … it shows us that you’re doing it for the right reasons.”

God, he hated angels. He hated Gabriel for coming up with these stupid tasks. And the guy wasn’t even finished.

“Besides, I told you: one of the other humans got stuck in this universe. Not only did the guy have his priorities wrong, he also didn’t care which version of his angel he had. You on the other hand … quite clearly only want one.”

Yeah, he definitely hated Gabe.

He gave himself a moment longer to calm down before finally looking at his angel. What he saw almost ripped him apart once more. Cas was so pale and most of the writing was gone by now. Damn, he’d taken too long to solve the second task.

“Dean, I’m sorry as well. So sorry.”

Fixing his gaze back on Cas’ face, he took his angel’s hand.

“What for?”

“For working with Crowley. For betraying you. For not coming to you when I should have.”

Dean actually had to close his eyes for a moment. It hurt so much. How long ago had this been? By now, they were working with the King of Hell on a daily basis. But Dean still remembered. This feeling of betrayal when he’d found out Cas had made a deal and went behind his back.

“It’s okay, Cas,” he choked out, looking back at his angel. “I forgave you for that a long time ago.”

“It’s not long ago in my book,” Cas rasped out, weakening right in front of Dean’s eyes. They stared at each other for a long moment, before Cas spoke again. “How did it happen?”

“What? That I forgave you?”

“No.” A coughing fit interrupted Cas and Dean squeezed his hand, trying to support him somehow. “How did I finally confess my feelings for you?”

Dean’s eyes went wide and in his all too adorable way, Cas laid his head to the side and squinted at him. “You’re here, taking on this trial. I take it that must be because we’re finally a couple, right?”

“I -- I … we … I mean …”

“Dean-o, break is over.”

He didn’t know if he should be relieved for that or scared of what was to come. Hastily, he pulled Cas’ hand through the bars and gave him a kiss on his knuckles. Then he got up, facing the music one last time.

 

~*~*~*~

 

Sam was going to break. Dean had been gone for weeks now and Gabe had gone radio silent. And all over America, Hunters were being killed. Thankfully, Eileen and he had gotten a hold of Donna as well as Jody and her girls before anything bad happened to them. It wasn’t ideal, but they’d decided that it was best to stay close together, so the ladies had moved into the bunker for the time being. They’d informed all of the Hunters they could reach, making sure they watched their backs more than ever.

Soft hands started to massage his tense shoulders and without hesitation, Sam leaned back into Eileen’s touch. They’d become even closer over time and Sam promised himself that, should they both make it out of this current mess alive, he would tell her about his feelings.

Their moment was broken as Claire arrived back into the bunker. Sam wanted to greet her, but the girl shook her head no and put her finger on her lips, telling them to stay silent. After that, she waved her hand, beckoning them outside. Jody entered the room just as Sam got up and instantly, he signaled her to be silent as well, making sure she followed them. Once in front of the bunker, Claire turned towards the group.

“It’s the British Men of Letters. They’re spying on us …”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get your tissues out, this one is getting emotional ...

Dean was waiting for Gabriel to send him to the next alternative universe, but instead, the archangel just helped him up.

“For this last task, you won’t travel anywhere else. You’ll have to make your decision right here.”

“Alright, what is it?”

Gabriel looked at him silently as if he tried to measure Dean. “You’ll have to take Cas’ place.”

“Dean, NO!”

Cas’ scream was so immediate it was all Dean could focus on for a moment before the gravity of Gabe’s words crashed down on him.

“You … you want me to forget all about him?”

If he’d thought the previous challenge had been ripping his heart apart, he’d certainly not known about this last task.

He’d forgotten Cas before.

He’d lost him so many more times and it had hurt every single time. But at least he’d known his angel had existed and had been in his life. To go back to Earth now, never even remembering his best friend? His angel? His Cas?

Sure, in the end, he wouldn’t even know what he was missing. Wouldn’t remember that there was someone he never wanted to live without anymore. But going to that place?

He’d forgotten Cas before – and yet, somewhere deep down, he’d known him. He’d known that there was someone and maybe that was the worst form of torture there was. Not remembering what you were missing, but feeling the absence of this person every waking moment.

And it was either him or Cas.

“Okay,” he choked out, closing his eyes.

“Dean,” Cas yelled with as much force as he seemed to be able to muster. “You can’t do it. Gabriel, tell him the truth! The curse would kill you, Dean.”

Looking back at Gabe, Dean searched for confirmation.

The archangel nodded grimly. “The curse is designed for angels. They can survive being stripped of line after line because the vessels aren’t their real form.” Dean could tell that Gabe knew it was different for Cas somehow. He and his vessel had become one over the years. Maybe Cas wouldn’t die, but he was most definitely weakened like he’d seldom been before. “Your body, on the other hand,” Gabe continued, “wouldn’t be able to handle it. You would die a little more with each line being erased.”

_The other one wasn’t willing to fulfill the last task._

Again, Gabe’s words rang in his mind.

Maybe he could understand it just a little bit more now.

And yet …

“When I take his place –”

“Dean, please, don’t!”

“– he will be free? And he’ll get his memories back?”

Gabe nodded in confirmation.

Cas would be able to keep his free will. He wouldn’t forget what emotions were and he would still know about being a human. He would still be the angel Dean had fallen in love with over time and not a mindless soldier.

And Dean would be dead, not having to suffer from not remembering Cas.

Maybe it was the lesser of two evils.

“I’ll do it.”

“No! No, please, no. Gabriel, don’t. Don’t let him.”

“I’m sorry, Cas. But this is Dean’s decision.”

“Dean!! Dean, do you really think I want this?” Dean had to close his eyes once more, trying to hold in his emotions. “Do you really think I want to live when you don’t exist anymore?”

Shaking his head, Dean turned towards Cas, opening his eyes. Cas had gotten on his feet, heavily leaning against the bars.

How much he wished he could hold him one last time.

“Do you think I want to live in a world where you’re a mindless minion again? Where you’ve forgotten all about me?”

Cas’ shoulders were shaking and a moment later, the tears were running. Within a heartbeat, Dean was right in front of him, reaching through the bars and for his face. He didn’t care that angels were watching them, as he let his fingers wipe away the tears.

“At least this way, you’ll remember what free will and humanity is. You’ll remember me.”

“Dean,” Cas breathed out and shocked, Dean realized that even more lines had vanished in just these short few moments. How much must Cas have forgotten by now?

There was no more time to lose.

“Take care of Sammy for me. Tell him I’m proud of him.”

He was letting go of Cas but his angel grabbed for his hands.

“Dean, please.” His eyes were so blue, so deep. Why had Dean wasted so much time instead of just being with Cas? “This is not something you do for your best friend!”

Huffing out a strangled laugh, not able to hold back that one single tear, Dean shook his head, his hands cupping Cas’ face again. “No,” he replied, letting his thumb trace over Cas’ lips. “No, it’s not.”

As he saw the flicker in Cas’ eyes, he knew his angel understood what he was trying to tell him. Even more tears left those beautiful eyes and Dean wished he could kiss them away. Instead, he wiped them away with his thumbs one last time, before slowly letting go of Cas.

“No, please,” his angel whispered, but it was too late. Dean had made his decision and it was time.

Turning towards Gabe, he nodded, expecting the archangel to touch his forehead again. Instead, the other angels moved for the first time, opened the door to Cas’ cell, and dragged him over. His angel tried to protest with all the power he’d still left, but it was in vain.

“Don’t hurt him,” Dean yelled, but no one listened. Instead, they caught him as well and forced him to his knees, pulling his shirt up to reveal the handprint.

“No, nooo no.”

Cas' screams were ripping at Dean’s soul, but nothing – absolutely nothing – would make him look away from his angel. He knew it was the last chance he had. He just wished it wouldn’t be a moment of pure torture.

One of the angels pried Cas’ hand away from where he tried to press it against his body, forcing the fist open. Just a moment later, Cas lost the battle and his hand touched the handprint on Dean’s shoulder.

The agony was instant. Letter after letter, Dean could feel the words being burned into his skin. He tried to stop screaming, but all too soon he was beyond any sense of mind. The only thing besides his blinding agony he could still perceive was Cas screaming his name.

The snapping of fingers sounded somewhere in the distance.

Then it was over.


	7. Chapter 7

He was warm, content. Someone was holding him close, hugging him. Fingers raked through his hair. From far away, he could hear someone calling his name.

The calling got closer and closer until Dean finally realized that it had never been far away. He’d just been out of it.

“Dean, please.”

It was Cas. He was holding him and he was crying. Dean wanted nothing more but to soothe his angel. Take him in his arms and tell him it was gonna be alright. But for that, he had to move and his arms felt so, so heavy.

“Come back to me, Dean. Please, come back.”

When he felt soft lips being pressed against his forehead, Dean’s eyes fluttered open. All he could see was ink-covered skin right in front of his eyes, the sweet smell of Cas engulfing him. As the lips moved from his forehead, light hit his eyes and he groaned.

“Dean?”

Focusing on his angel, Dean’s hand wandered towards Cas’ cheek without a conscious decision. Cas leaned into the touch and closed his eyes just for a heartbeat. When his blue eyes landed back on him, Dean’s brain finally caught up with all that had happened.

“You’re still covered in writing.”

Panic shot through him. Had he failed? Had Gabriel tricked him? Was Cas still going to lose his memory?

“It’s okay,” Cas soothed him right away, tightening his hold around him.

They were still on the floor, Dean lying in his arms in a somewhat uncomfortable position. He didn’t care as long as he had Cas close.

“How?”

“Because, Dean-o,” Gabe’s voice suddenly appeared out of nowhere as the archangel kneeled down next to him. “You fulfilled the last task and therefore passed the trials. Castiel is now the very first angel to have his human companion do this for him. The writing on his skin is proof to that.”

Dean’s head was spinning, but he sat up anyway, not wanting to talk to Gabriel while he was lying in Cas’ arms. He still leaned against his angel, not willing to give up their newfound closeness altogether.

“How did I pass? I thought I was supposed to die?”

“Pff, please,” Gabe said, waving his hand as if to brush away such an insane thought. “You were only supposed to think so. What would’ve been the challenge if you’d known from the start that you’d survive?”

“Did the other angels know that?”

“Well, given that we never got this far in our trials … Nope.”

Huffing out a laugh, Dean leaned even more into Cas. He might still be alive and the task not meant to kill him, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t left him completely drained.

“I guess that really pissed them off?”

“A bit, yeah. But hey, you really think I would do that to my baby bro? Take you away from him?”

“Gabriel,” Cas admonished. “No nepotism, remember? This was the plan of the last task all along, wasn’t it?”

Gabriel looked at his brother for a long moment, before shrugging his shoulders. “Well, how else would this trial make any sense at all, right? I couldn’t just let the human die in the end.”

Dean started to snicker. “So, you tricked all those winged dicks?”

“Helloooo? Trickster,” Gabe replied and as he moved his finger in a circle around his face to point at himself, Dean was reminded of all those years ago and the early days Sam and he had to deal with the guy.

After that, Gabriel got up. “Alright, you two. You’re free to go.”

He snapped his fingers and suddenly they were sitting on grass, both fully dressed again, still huddled close.

Looking around, Dean could see the bunker in the distance, the sun already setting. For the first time, he wondered how long he’d been gone measured by the time on Earth.

They got up, not wasting any more time to make their way over towards the entrance. As they came closer and closer, Dean had a sinking feeling in his gut. What if all that had happened in Heaven was over now? What if … no, he had to make sure before he drove himself crazy.

“Cas?”

His angel came to a stop and Dean tentatively reached for him. As Cas took his hand without hesitation, warmth spread through Dean’s body, the sole touch of his angel making his skin tingle and his heart beat faster.

He wanted to say something. Tell Cas his feelings. And he would. Someday he would be able to say these words without choking up. For now, he knew Cas could read it, Cas knew him well enough to know. And as he saw the same emotions in Cas’ blue eyes, he leaned in, softly pressing his lips against Cas’.

It didn’t last long, keeping their first kiss rather innocent. But when he drew back, Cas’ eyes were shining with happiness and Dean couldn’t keep in his own smile. It was enough for now, the reality of all their current problems still pressing down on them. They needed to get back inside and see what had happened while they were gone.

“We’ll talk when all this is over,” Dean whispered, squeezing Cas’ hand. His angel only nodded, squeezing back.

Neither of them let go as they entered the bunker.

They were greeted by the noise of various voices talking all at once, but it didn’t sound like a welcome party. More like a room full of people having various conversations. As the heavy door fell shut, all noises stopped and when they stepped up towards the gallery and looked down, they saw that the room was filled with people.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed as the other ones cheered loudly, calling out their names.

Quickly descending the stairs, Dean found himself with an armful of brother the moment he touched the ground. Smiling, he momentarily let go of Cas’ hand and hugged his brother back. “It’s okay, Sammy. I’m back. And I brought Cas home.”

“You were gone for almost two months, jerk.”

Wow. Okay, he had not expected that.

Still, he patted his brother on the back, slowly disentangling himself from the moose. “I’m okay.”

When he reached for Cas’ hand again, he saw Sam following the movement. Before Dean could panic about how Sam might react, his brother beamed at him. “Fucking finally.”

_Wait, what?_

“Shut up, bitch.”

Sam laughed out loud as he steered the two of them towards the main room. Dean recognized some of the people and accepted hugs from Eileen, Donna, and Jody. Most of the other guys and girls he couldn’t place, although their dress code clearly marked them as Hunters.

Except for two, who sat at the table, silently watching the scene.

“What are they doing here?” he asked, turning towards Sam.

His brother was quick to explain.

“Dean, some serious shit went down with the British Men of Letters. We,” – he made a wide gesture to point out the room and the Hunters in it – “took care of it.”

“Meaning?”

“They’re all dead.”

“Well, not all,” Dean replied, eyeing the two unwelcomed guests. “ _Two of them_ are sitting right there.”

He could see how much his accusation hit Mary. Good.

“Dean, please. Mom … she came around. She was the one to tip us off. She tracked down Claire and told her everything. I know it doesn’t erase what she’s done, but …”

Sam didn’t continue. Dean’s stony mask must’ve told him enough. It would be a long time until he would be able to even think about forgiving Mary Winchester for betraying him like she had. When she looked at him, he deliberately pulled Cas closer, making sure it was clear that their relationship had changed and was now more than just friendship. To her credit, Mary didn’t flinch or looked shocked. Rather, a thin smile formed on her lips. It looked genuine, but still. This was certainly not a topic he wanted to discuss in a room full of people. With a slight nod, he let her know that maybe, just maybe, there was hope and that they would talk about this later.

They were family after all.

For now, there was other stuff to be discussed. Like the person sitting next to Mary.

“What about him?”

Sam followed his gaze, although he must’ve known who Dean was talking about. “Mick stood by our side when we attacked the British Men of Letters base. Before that, he spared Eileen’s life.”

When Dean looked at his brother, he found Sam gazing at Eileen in a way he’d only really seen his brother do one time before.

With Jess.

As he saw Eileen smiling back at Sam, Dean knew that there was something his brother had yet to tell him. Despite the situation, Dean’s gaze softened and he truly believed Sam when his brother explained, “He’s been an ally these past few weeks, trust me, Dean.”

Dean nodded. It seemed Sam had not only handled the situation well on his own while Dean had been gone. He’d also united and lead the American Hunters against the damn Brits and finally gotten himself a girl. He’d done great and maybe it was time for Dean to stop questioning all of his brother’s decisions.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. You say we can trust them and they proved themselves … well, I trust you.”

The good thing about their relationship was that they never needed many words or grand gestures. Sam held his gaze a moment longer before nodding, and the topic was done, both knowing what really had been said.

Slow clapping interrupted the moment before Dean could ask his next question. As they turned towards the sound, sure enough, they were greeted once again by the sight of Gabriel, lying comfortably in a chair, feet on their table, and a lollipop in his mouth. “Aww, looks like we’re on our way to a happy ending. Or, well,” he added, throwing a glance towards Mary. “At least a hopeful ending.”

Groaning, Dean spoke up first. “What do you want, Gabe? Shouldn’t you be back in hiding?”

“Meh,” Gabe said, waving the idea away. “Cover is blown anyway. Might as well finally return to Heaven and pick up the pieces. As I take it, I’m going to be an uncle very soon, so we should probably prepare the nursery.”

“Gabriel,” Cas said warningly, but Dean had already turned back towards Sam, seeking for confirmation.

“Any more leads on Lucifer’s baby?”

“We almost had Kelly, but we failed. We’re looking for her again.”

“What do we have?”

“Ahh,” Gabe jumped in before Sam could begin to explain. “Don’t you worry about that for now, Dean-o. Moose and his Avengers will take care of it. With my help, obviously.” He got up and moved towards them. “You, my friend, have a lot to discuss with my baby bro. I think you should take some time off. Relax for a day or two, it won’t hurt you.”

“Gabe, what are you –?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll bring you back once we have new leads.”

“Gabe!”

Before Dean could say anything else, the archangel snapped his fingers once again.

 

~*~

 

Looking around, Dean could see nothing but trees, a single tent, and the foot of a mountain at the far end of the clearing they were standing on.

“What the Hell?” he asked no one in particular, doing a 360. “Gabriel!!”

His scream echoed around the woods and as he came back face to face with Cas, his angel was smiling at him. It was timid, barely there, but enough to tell Dean that Cas was amused by him.

“You think this funny?”

“A bit.”

“Cas!”

“Dean,” Cas began, taking the one step that separated them and tentatively touching Dean’s arms, pulling him in. Dean went willingly. “You know Gabe – there’s nothing we can do at the moment. Our problems will still be there in the morning.”

Grumbling, Dean had to admit that Cas was right.

All his grumpiness and thoughts of torturing Gabriel went away the moment Cas’ lips touched his. He’d dreamed about kissing Cas for years now, but nothing could compare to the real thing. It wasn’t heated or rushed like it so often had been with his hookups because this was different; so different. He knew Cas was it for him, so there was no need to rush.

Once the kiss ended, they got into the tent and slowly, piece by piece, stripped each other down. Kisses were shared and tender words spoken. Once they were down to their boxer shorts, Dean laid Cas out before him, kissing every single letter etched into his angel’s skin. He wasn’t ready to just jump ahead and sleep with a man, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t worship this beautiful body of the angel he loved.

Hours went by and once they finally sank into each other’s arms, Dean knew each of the words spoken between them that were now written on Castiel’s skin. Just three little words were missing, even though he could find them in so many phrases he’d spoken to Cas over the years. Now that the curse was over, they would never find their way onto his skin, not in the form they should have been said years ago.

And while he was watching his angel lying in his arms, he made a promise to himself: from now on, he would tell Cas every day.

Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to his angel’s ear and softly whispered, “I love you, Cas.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, [purgatory-jar](https://purgatory-jar.tumblr.com//), I know you didn't want it sappy, so I hope the end was still okay for you ^^" 
> 
> Thanks to my wonderful betas [Feathers7501](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Feathers7501/) and [vintagenoise](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vintagenoise/pseuds/vintagenoise) \- you girls rock and my fics wouldn't be what they are without you <3
> 
> Gigantic thanks to [TaymeeLove](http://archiveofourown.org/users/TaymeeLove/pseuds/TaymeeLove), who not only switched posting dates with me (when I still thought I'd be able to post on her date ^^") but also gave me the idea to use a green gemstone as a trinket for Cas.
> 
> And thank you all my readers for reading and for all the lovely comments and all the kudos you always leave me <3 they never fail to make my day and I love you <3
> 
> Now I have a little bit of free time before the next challenge and quite a few verses to get back to - if you want to, let me know which verse you want to see updated next :)


End file.
